Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 NIV

Most of the calendar year, I have found that overall as a society…and even as Christians…we tend to focus on what we don’t have rather than on what we do have. Yes…I too am guilty of this!

We may focus on the husband we don’t have….the children we don’t have…the friends we don’t have…the good physical health we don’t have…the money we don’t have…the job we don’t have…the education we don’t have…the house or car we don’t have…and the list goes on!

When we tend to focus on what we don’t have, we can miss what we actually do have and take for granted the blessings that God has given us.

I always find this happening when my children get sick. I take for granted when they are healthy and running around all crazy as I focus on their high activity level and on disciplining them…instead of being thankful for the fact they are running around and being crazy little boys!

Now don’t get me wrong…not having certain things can be very challenging…like good health, financial income, or even a roof over your head! …but if ….I am just saying “if” you don’t have those things…and “if” you never did have those things…can you still be thankful?

The book of Job is a great lesson on Thanksgiving. The Bible tells us that Job was “blameless and upright, one who feared God and turned away from evil.” Job 1:1 ESV

Job was a man who loved God, feared God, and behaved as God would want him to behave. And therefore, God richly blessed him. Job had vast wealth, a good family, and devoutly worshiped God. (Job 1:2-5)

If you have never read the story of Job, I highly recommend reading this book in the bible. It truly puts life and its challenges in perspective.

To briefly summarize, Satan convinced God to let him afflict Job and God agreed. So Satan afflicted Job…and Job lost his family, his wealth, his health, his friends. Everything was taken away from him! …Can you even imagine? I know I can’t!

But in this truly tragic story of Job, we find that Job still remained faithful and patient…even in times when things were very tough…even at times when he questioned God and truly didn’t understand. And what is so amazing about Job is…well check this out!

Through all this Job did not sin nor did he blame God. Job 1:22 NASB

Job remained faithful…and thankful…despite all the suffering and pain and tragedy he went through…and in the end God blessed him because of his actions, faith, and thankfulness!

So the LORD blessed Job in the second half of his life even more than in the beginning. Job 42:12a NLT

Life is about perspective. Sure it’s easy to focus on what we don’t have versus on what we do have…we all have done this…but it’s important to realize and remind ourselves that everything…EVERYTHING… we have here on this earth can be taken away.

Job understood this and continued to praise God when he said…

I came naked from my mother’s womb, and I will be naked when I leave. The Lord gave me what I had, and the Lord has taken it away. Praise the name of the Lord! Job 1:21 NLT

I am quite doubtful that any of us reading this story has had it nearly as bad as Job…But through it all, my question is…Can we remain thankful?

Enter his gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise; give thanks to him and praise his name. Psalm 100:4 NIV

Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7 NLT

I love that the Thanksgiving holiday gives us a time to reflect and be thankful…but thankfulness should be a regular and daily attitude in our lives…365 days a year. Our thankfulness cannot be based upon what we have…or don’t have…because what we have can be taken away in an instant… and what we don’t have we may never receive.

And the only thing that we actually do have that can never be taken from us is our relationship with Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior! No person and no thing can take away our relationship with Jesus!

Developing an attitude of daily thankfulness will also help us through life’s challenges as it brings our focus upon your Savior instead of our situation.

This is a great reminder for us to not wait for the Thanksgiving holiday to express our gratitude to God…everyday should be a day of Thanksgiving! (yea …minus the turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, etc even though it’s so yummy!)

Happy Thanksgiving to everyone! And a thank you all for supporting Sweeter Than Honey Blog!

Reflection Points:

1)      Do you find yourself focusing on what you don’t have versus what you do have?

2)      Does it take something being taken away from you to make you realize the need to be thankful more often?

3)      How can you develop an attitude of thankfulness on a daily basis…especially if you tend to focus on the things you don’t have in life?

Action Points:

1)      Don’t wait for a holiday like Thanksgiving to express your gratitude to God. Begin a habit of thanking him in your prayers each day!

2)      Developing an attitude of thankfulness will also help you though life’s challenges as it brings your focus upon Jesus your Savior instead of your situation.

Have you ever attended an event or a social gathering without technically being invited? Even when it may have been Invitation Only? Maybe you just went along with a friend or spouse and you thought, “No big deal… I can just blend in.”  I know I have! …and maybe it was just me but all I can say is…awkward!

After the initial awkwardness and maybe even some questioning stares upon your entrance, you finally get a little more comfortable…or maybe not… as you engage in the event. But it certainly isn’t as comfortable and warm as it is when you have actually been invited, right?

Well I am here to tell you that…you have been invited! Invited to what you may ask?…You have been invited by God to intimacy with Him. Did you know that?

God desires to be intimate with you so much that He actually invites you! And He encourages this intimacy through prayer which gives us the open door to communicate with Him. Communication is an integral part of intimacy in any relationship…even in our relationship with our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ!

One of my favorite scriptures found in Jeremiah is…

Call to Me and I will answer you, and I will tell you great and mighty things, which you do not know. Jeremiah 33:3 NASB

Wow! Did you catch that? That not only is God asking you to call upon Him and that He will answer you…but that He “will tell you great and mighty things, which you do not know!”

One commentary explains that the “great and mighty things” are “fortified ones” meaning they are like fortified cities, that cannot easily be come at, unless the gates are opened to enter into; and designs such as are difficult of understanding, which exceed human belief, and which reason cannot comprehend and take in; and such are the great things of the Gospel. Gill’s Exposition

And another commentary states that “mighty things” are rather, secret things (literally, inaccessible.) Pulpit Commentary

When God invites us to pray to Him so that He can answer us and tell us…things that are not easy to come by…things that are difficult to understand and exceed human belief…things that are secret or inaccessible…He clearly demonstrates His desire to be intimate with us!

Don’t you share intimate, private, “secret” things with those you are very close in relationship with?

And doesn’t it make it less awkward and more comfortable knowing that God actually invites you to intimacy through prayer? …Like when you know you have been invited while walking into a social event.

In my personal experiences, I have come across many women who tell me they have a difficult time praying. And for those of us who don’t really struggle with this…we can easily take prayer for granted and think everyone is comfortable doing it.

For those who aren’t comfortable praying…Praying to God is just talking to God! You don’t need to try and impress Him…or anyone else for that matter…with eloquent and lavished words. Just talk to Him as you would a friend!

When we pray, we allow Jesus into our hearts. It isn’t our prayer that moves Him…it is Jesus who moves us to pray. He’s the one who invites us! He’s the one who knocks!

Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with that person, and they with me. Revelation 3:20 NIV

And did you know that our prayers please Him?

Many times my prayers to God are for my needs, the needs of others, or to show me how I can please Him. But God receives pleasure from our wanting to communicate with Him and be with Him.

We look upon prayer as a means of getting things for ourselves; the Bible’s idea of prayer is that we may get to know God Himself. Oswald Chambers from “My Utmost for His Highest”

And what’s so cool to me is that our prayers are actually a sweet-swelling aroma to his ears! In the Bible, the Book of Revelation describes “gold bowls filled with incense, which are the prayers of God’s people.” Revelation 5:8 NIV

4The smoke of the incense, mixed with the prayers of God’s holy people, ascended up to God from the altar where the angel had poured them out.  Revelation 8:4 NLT

An incense burner filled with live coals was used in temple worship. Incense was poured on the coals, and the sweet smelling smoke drifted upwards, symbolizing believers’ prayers ascending to God.

The following description really paints an interesting picture of the resemblance between incense and our prayers.

That in general by incense, prayer is signified, the Scripture expressly testifieth. And there is a fourfold resemblance between them:

1. In that it was beaten and pounded before it was used. So doth acceptable prayer proceed from a broken and contrite heart: Psalms 51:17      .
2. It was of no use until fire was put under it, and that taken from the altar. Nor is that prayer of any virtue or efficacy which is no kindled by the fire from above, the Holy Spirit of God, which we have from our altar, Christ Jesus.
3. It naturally ascended upwards towards heaven, as all offerings in the Hebrew are called “ascensions”, uprisings. And this is the design of prayer, to ascend unto the throne of God: “I will direct unto thee, and will look up”; that is, pray: Psalms 5:3.
4. It yielded a sweet savour; which was one end of it in temple services, wherein there was so much burning of flesh and blood. So doth prayer yield a sweet savour unto God; a savour of rest, wherein he is well pleased. –John Owen.

Has your attitude toward prayer changed as you reflect upon God’s invitation and His desire to be intimate with you? And the fact that your prayers are a sweet smelling aroma that truly please Him?

Knowing that God is committed to answering when I call with great and mighty things…unsearchable revelations…truly fills me with awe and humility.

Understanding that I have been invited and that I don’t need to pray with eloquent words really encourages me to just talk to God…and not feel awkward.

Choosing to answer his request for intimacy with me helps me to view my prayers as an opportunity to receive from Him and to “yield a sweet savour unto God.”

Reflection Points:

1)      Do you feel intimidated or uncomfortable praying to God?

2)      Did you know that God invites you to pray to Him and desires intimacy with you?

3)      Does knowing you have been invited by God make you feel less awkward to pray to Him?

4)      Have you accepted this opportunity to intimacy with God through your prayers?

5)      Do you realize that your prayers truly please him and that they are a sweet smelling aroma to His ears?

Action Points:

1)      Realize that God wants an intimate relationship with you and that is why He invites you to pray.

2)      Understand that praying to God is just talking to Him. The more you pray the more comfortable you will be. I always suggest begin praying out loud when you are alone so you can hear yourself. The more you pray out loud the more comfortable you will be. That way if you have an opportunity to pray with someone you will feel more confident in praying with them.

3)      Praying to God pleases Him! God receives pleasure from our wanting to communicate with Him and be with Him. Your prayers are a sweet smelling aroma to His ears!

Recently, my 3 year old son Bryce lost a little piece for one of his toys. After he looked around and in the toy box, he came to me with his request that I find this little toy piece.

Now if you knew our family room and knew the overwhelming number of toys that have somehow, over time, engulfed and overtaken this small area, you would know that finding this little toy piece would certainly be no easy task!

Of course Bryce was very persistent because his heart was set on finding this lost toy piece. Now… please note…I didn’t say his heart was set on searching…which was the necessary action that needed to be implemented to find this lost toy piece.

No, searching takes time…his heart was set on the final outcome which was finding this piece at that very instant and having it in his possession right away. He knew what he wanted and he wanted it yesterday if you know what I mean! …and so searching was not really in his vocabulary.

Well, I was not too thrilled in taking on this task…did I mention the ridiculous amount of toys that occupied this space? …but I was determined and focused to seek and find my son’s lost toy piece.

After what seemed like…let’s just say a long time…and after listening to Bryce’s anxious  repeated requests of wanting this toy piece…because you know how kids like to repeat themselves just in case you didn’t hear them the first time! …I found the little toy piece! Yes a thank you Jesus moment!

Have you ever found yourself searching and seeking for something…but unlike the recovery of Bryce’s little toy piece…you have come up empty handed, abandoned your search, and pretty much given up?

What about when you search and seek God when you are going through a difficult circumstance?

What about when you search and seek God for answers and all you get is silence? Do you abandon your search and give up?

Can you imagine Bryce’s reaction if I searched for his little toy piece for a short time and gave up? Well, God doesn’t want us to give up…

God wants us to seek Him wholeheartedly…with all our heart! And check this out! It says that if we look for Him wholeheartedly, we will find Him!

If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me. Jeremiah 29:13NLT

You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart. Jeremiah 29:13NASB

If you notice, this scripture comes after the encouraging scripture of hope…Jeremiah 29:11…which I absolutely love!

11For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 12Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. Jeremiah 29:11-13 NIV

To give you a little more info…this scripture passage in Jeremiah is referring to God’s people who were captive in Babylon. God is showing us here that He did not forget His people and was continuing to prepare His people…with Him at the center. Although the exiles were in a difficult place and time, they need not despair! Why? …Because they had God’s presence, the privilege of prayer, and God’s grace. God can be sought and found when we seek him wholeheartedly.

What does it mean to seek God wholeheartedly? One commentary says…

“when ye shall search for me with all your heart; which, as Calvin rightly observes, does not design perfection, but integrity and sincerity; when they draw nigh with a true heart, and call upon him in truth, and search for him with eagerness, with a hearty desire to find him, as men search for gold, and silver, and hid treasure.”  Gill’s Exposition

I believe there are 3 steps in seeking God wholeheartedly.

1) Faith

2) Focus

3) Follow-Through

7Keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you. 8For everyone who asks, receives. Everyone who seeks, finds. And to everyone who knocks, the door will be opened.

Sometimes the seeking time is a silent time…where we may have no indication that God is really there or that he hears us. Sound familiar? But we must still believe and have faith that He is with us…because He is! …and He hears us…because He does!

For God has said, “I will never fail you. I will never abandon you.” Hebrews 13:5b NLT

Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. Jeremiah 29:12 NIV

Faith

Seeking God wholeheartedly takes faith.

It is in God’s silence that your faith is very much needed and necessary!

Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see. Hebrews 11:1 NIV

Bryce and I had confidence…assurance…faith…that what we were seeking and searching for…his lost toy piece…was somewhere in the toy mess.

And so we too must have the confidence…assurance…faith…that when we seek God that He is with us and He hears us and is found by us!

Focus

Seeking God wholeheartedly takes focus.

We can so easily be distracted if we focus on our situation instead of on our Savior. We can so easily be distracted…and overwhelmed…if we focus on the magnitude of our situation instead of the magnificence of our Master!

Bryce and I had to focus on seeking his lost toy piece…because we could have been so easily distracted by the overwhelming mess of toys we had to sift through!

You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you. Isaiah 26:3 NIV

Follow-Through

Seeking God wholeheartedly takes follow-through.

Follow-through is Bryce and I taking action and the necessary steps to find the lost toy piece. Follow-through is us searching and seeking for the lost toy piece…not giving up!

Follow-through requires us to continue seeking God through persistent prayer and through reading His word…even when He silent…even when we don’t get answers right away…even when we don’t receive relief from our difficult circumstance…and even when we don’t necessarily see the light at the end of the tunnel!

And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him. Hebrews 11:6 NIV

Seeking God wholeheartedly takes faith …focus…and follow-through. Don’t give up or abandon your search for God…Seek Him with all your heart… because it is in the search and it is in the seeking that God will strengthen your faith, develop your character, and do something truly amazing in you and through you!

Just as Bryce and I found his little toy piece in our persistent and wholehearted search…so too will you find God when you seek Him wholeheartedly!

Reflection Points:

1)      Have you ever found yourself searching and seeking for something and have come up empty handed, abandoned your search, and pretty much given up?

2)      What about when you search and seek God when you are going through a difficult circumstance?

3)      What about when you search and seek God for answers and all you get is silence? Do you abandon your search and give up?

Action Points:

1)      God tells us that we can find Him when we seek Him wholeheartedly. God does not want us giving up or abandoning our search…especially when He is silent. God sees you and hears you!

2)      Review the scriptures and the 3 steps in seeking God wholeheartedly…Faith, Focus, and Follow-through.  Because when we seek Him with all our heart, He can be found!

A number of years ago, I met an amazingly beautiful woman named Miss Lillian. I worked at a physical therapy clinic at the time and Miss Lillian would come in occasionally to exercise and walk on the treadmill.

Meeting her for the first time, I could see by her outer appearance that she had suffered through something very great. Looking into her eyes, I could see behind her pain… and beyond…to something so very special and really remarkable about her.

What I saw was her great love and passion for the Lord…You see Miss Lillian was burned very badly in a car fire. She was hit from behind by a hit and run car and her car ignited with her 2 young boys in the back seat. Her boys did not make it. Not only did she suffer 90% of her body being burned and many other internal injuries, the fact that she is even alive today is truly a miracle by the hand of God.

As our friendship grew in this time, Miss Lillian and I had many encouraging conversations with one another…more like her encouraging me… and one instance I remember her sharing with me her thoughts while she laid in the hospital bed after this horrible tragedy.

She said she couldn’t help but wonder why the Lord didn’t just take her with her children. I mean why would the Lord allow her to live and suffer physically like this…not to mention the heartbreaking pain of losing her children!

Why? Because God had an extraordinary purpose for Miss Lillian…a purpose beyond Miss Lillian…

To be a light to the lost…an encouragement to the discouraged… a prayer warrior to the hurting…always standing in the gap and crying out to the Lord on their behalf.

Yes…Miss Lillian is truly a remarkable woman. Yes…God had and still has an extraordinary purpose… a purpose that goes beyond her pain…a purpose that goes beyond her suffering…a purpose that goes beyond her questions and doubts…a purpose that goes beyond her appearance…a purpose that goes beyond herself.

Oh, how truly awesome is our God!  He never ceases to amaze me!

A God who takes ordinary people with all their flaws, failures, and pain…like Miss Lillian…and fulfills His extraordinary purposes through them.

A God who takes ordinary people with all their flaws, failures, and pain…like you and like me…and fulfills His extraordinary purposes through them.

A God who took 4 ordinary women in the Bible with all their flaws, failures, and pain and fulfilled one extraordinary purpose through them…the coming of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ!

Ordinary is defined in the dictionary as “of no special quality or interest; commonplace; unexceptional; plain or undistinguished; somewhat inferior or below average; mediocre.

In Matthew 1, we can see the genealogy of Jesus, which for many of us, is a chapter we might just skip…because really it’s just a long list of names!  But if we skip it or move too quickly though it, we may just miss something that I believe is so important and truly extraordinary…that there are 4 women besides Jesus’ mother Mary mentioned in Jesus’ genealogy! You might say…so what? Why is this significant?

Well, this is so significant because first of all, it is very unusual for women’s names to be found in Jewish genealogy. The Jewish blood line always dealt with the father, son, the grandson, etc. No records were kept concerning the mother. And furthermore, these four women were not even Jewish! …They were Gentiles!

To top it off…these women mentioned were not highly esteemed women…they were ordinary women who each experienced something that marred them in some way…they were ordinary women who had flaws, failures, and pain…yet the Lord chose them to be in the genealogy of His Son.

These four women mentioned in the genealogy of Jesus are…

Tamar(with Judah)

Rahab (with Salmon)

Ruth (with Boaz)

Bathsheba (with David)

The ancestry of Jesus Christ which includes these four women…all Gentiles…makes it clear that God must have some definite purpose in the inclusion of their names. An examination of these four women will make that purpose apparent.

Please read the accounts of these 4 women in the Bible for greater detail as I summarize them here.

Tamar

The story of Tamar is found in Genesis 38.  Tamar married Er…one of the first born sons of Judah and his Canaanite wife Shua. Tamar’s husband Er was very wicked so God put him to death before they had any children.

Following ancient Middle Eastern custom, Er’s brother Onan was supposed to marry the now widowed Tamar and give her a son as an heir for his dead brother. But Onan refused and God put him to death too for his wickedness. Pretty crazy…I know!

This can get a bit confusing…but stay with me here! As time passed, Tamar saw that Judah’s third son was not going to marry her so what did Tamar do? She pretended to be a prostitute and had sex with Judah…her father-in-law! Yes, this would be considered incest!

Tamar becomes pregnant with twin boys, Perez and Zerah, and amazingly Perez is in the ancestral line of the Savior of our world, Jesus.

Tamar sinned and yet through her sin and moral downfall, God chose to mention her in connection with the lineage of Jesus Christ!

Rahab

The story of Rahab is found in Joshua 2. When the Israelites were about to conquer the land of Cannaan, they sent spies into Jericho, who stayed at “the house of a prostitute named Rahab.” (Joshua 2:1) We see here that Rahab was a prostitute!

The king of Jericho wanted to kill the spies, but Rahab helped them escape. When Jericho was destroyed, Rahab and her family were spared.

What is interesting here is that the Old Testament doesn’t tell us what happened to Rahab, but Matthew tells us that she was an ancestor of King David. God again chose to mention her in connection with the lineage of Jesus Christ!

Ruth

The story of Ruth is found in the Old Testament book Ruth.  Ruth was a Moabitess. To give you a little background…The Moabite religion worshiped a god called Chemosh and their religion was actually quite awful…worship rites sometimes included child sacrifice! Can you even imagine!

And furthermore, as a Moabitess, Ruth was under a curse. Deuteronomy 23:3 tells us that because of a certain sin the Moabites had committed no Moabite or any descendants “may enter the assembly of the Lord, even down to the 10^th generation.”

Really? Then we see that in fewer than 10 generations, God anointed one of those descendants as Israel’s king…King David! Isn’t it interesting that the very woman that God’s law shut out is found in the ancestry of Jesus Christ? That God again chose to mention her in connection with the lineage of Jesus Christ?!

There is so much more to the story of Ruth that you have got to check out on your own!

Bathsheba, “The Wife of Uriah”

The story of Bathsheba is found in 2 Samuel 11. Interestingly, depending on the version, Matthew does not always mention her name Bathsheba but sometimes only as “the wife of Uriah.”

Bathsheba’s husband Uriah was out fighting battles for David, when David noticed Bathsheba bathing from the palace rooftop.  He entertained the temptation and thus committed adultery with her. Not only did Bathsheba become pregnant but then David arranged for Uriah’s death while he was in battle. Although this child died, David’s 2^nd child with Bathsheba was Solomon, the next king.

Bathsheba, “the wife of Uriah” is included in the royal line from David to Jesus Christ! God again chose to mention her in connection with the lineage of Jesus Christ!

When we examine these women, we see that they all were quite ordinary and even more importantly, they all experienced something that scarred their lives, yet God in His grace chose to use them not only in the life of Israel but ultimately in the genealogy of Jesus.

Despite their pain, despite their failures, despite their insecurities, despite even their sin, God chose them…ordinary women with all their flaws and imperfections and mistakes…to accomplish one extraordinary purpose…the birth of our Savior Jesus Christ! We can truly see the hand of God overseeing their lives and overruling their liabilities.

Do you feel ordinary…or as the definition states…somewhat inferior, mediocre, unexceptional?

Do you feel that you have made too many mistakes…have too many flaws…experienced too many failures…suffered too much pain… for God to use you and fulfill His extraordinary purposes through you?

Think again my sweet friend…God uses very ordinary people to fulfill His extraordinary purposes. And yes, He will use you…just as He used these 4 ordinary women…just as He continues to use Miss Lillian…just as He continues to use me.

Reflection Points:

1)      Do you feel ordinary…or as the definition states…somewhat inferior, mediocre, unexceptional?

2)      Do you feel that you have made too many mistakes…have too many flaws…experienced too many failures…suffered too much pain… for God to use you and fulfill His extraordinary purposes through you?

Action Points:

1)      God has plan and purpose for you and your life…an extraordinary purpose…a purpose far greater than you…and beyond you. Trust Him today that despite your flaws, failures, and pain, He will use you to fulfill His purposes.

2)      Be willing to be used by God and don’t resist His plan for your life. His plans for you are “to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11 NIV

When I was a little girl, I remember sitting with my mother and her showing me her beautiful jewelry and explaining to me how she had acquired her different pieces…whether it was a handed down family treasure or a special gift from my father. I vividly recall this one piece of jewelry…a necklace…that she always described as a cultured pearl necklace.

Since my mother’s passing just over 4 years ago, I have kept all her jewelry and oftentimes wear some of her pieces as a meaningful reminder of her amazing love and beauty. I recently pulled out her box of jewelry and saw again the cultured pearl necklace that she would often describe to me.

I never really knew why she always called it a “cultured” pearl necklace instead of just a pearl necklace. After some research, I have finally learned what a cultured pearl is and the difference between a cultured pearl and a natural pearl.

We know pearls to be one of the most valuable and precious natural gems…but in order to understand their value, it is important for us to know just how a pearl is created….because a very important element must be present in the process of making a pearl.

A natural pearl begins to form when a foreign object such as a grain of sand enters an oyster shell. This grain of sand causes friction in the inner tissue of the oyster thus causing the oyster to encapsulate this grain of sand in layers of a substance called nacre. It is this substance nacre which a pearl is actually composed of. The pearl grows in size as the number of nacre layers increases.

This process is truly an amazing act of God, isn’t?! I mean for something so beautiful and precious and pure to develop so perfectly and organically from an oyster at the bottom of the ocean is beyond comprehension to me!

But I would like to draw your attention for a moment to not only the beauty and value of this gem, but to the presence of a very important element here…the grain of sand (foreign object) that causes the friction!

How many of you like friction in your life? I can venture to say more confidently than not that you…like me…are not big fans of friction, right?!

Why? Because friction doesn’t feel good…it makes us uncomfortable.

The word friction is defined as “the rubbing of one body against another; the force that resists relative motion between two bodies in contact; the clashing between two persons or parties of opposed views; disagreement.

Yup…that sure doesn’t sound too good to me!

However, this friction must be present in order for this grain of sand to develop into a valuable gem that is refined, stainless, spotless, free of blemishes, and free from foreign, contaminating, or inappropriate elements…a pure and natural pearl!

And so, just as this friction must be present in order for this grain of sand to become a beautiful pearl, God allows and uses friction in our lives to develop, refine, and purify us in our character and in areas of our lives.

This friction can occur in your relationship with your spouse, co-worker, friend, family member or child…and many times in your relationship with God!  This friction can be between your will and God’s will for your life… your fleshly desires and God’s desires…what you want to do and what God wants you to do.

Are you experiencing any friction in your life right now? Is there a command that God wants you to obey that is rubbing you the wrong way or making you uncomfortable?

God wants to develop our character….He wants to develop purity…pearls of purity in our lives.

This developing process…this refining process…this purifying process…may not be comfortable… but He wants us to walk in purity in all aspects of our lives so we can be more and more like Him…And He doesn’t just expect us to figure it all out on our own and do it in our own strength!

An oyster producing a beautiful pure pearl is truly an act of God…and we too as Christians cannot form these pearls of purity in our lives apart from God and his strength.

Apart from me [God], you can do nothing. John 15:5 NIV

It is important that we embrace the friction that God allows in our lives for the purpose of developing purity in our character, just as an oyster shell encapsulates…surrounds and embraces…the friction caused by the grain of sand.

In my opening paragraphs, I mentioned the cultured pearl necklace that belonged to my mother. The big difference between a natural pearl and a cultured pearl is that a “natural pearl” is really an act of God in nature whereas a “cultured pearl” is not truly pure in that it has been tampered with.

A cultured pearl develops when it has been purposefully injected by man with a foreign substance in order for the oyster to begin producing a pearl.

Many of us may think that we can become pure or achieve purity in our own strength…in our own efforts. Or we may allow things in this world to tamper or hinder us from allowing God to develop purity in our character and in areas in our lives.

We don’t want to produce pearls in our lives that are cultured…we should desire to develop pure pearls by God working in lives…using the friction to build purity in our character…in our thoughts, actions, and speech.

Are your thoughts, actions, and speech pure? Do they glorify and honor God?

How is your thought life? Do you ever struggle with impure thoughts?

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable- if anything is excellent or praiseworthy- think about such things. Philippians 4:8 NIV

What do your actions say about you being a Christian? If you claim to be a Christian are you being an example of Christ or are you compromising in your actions?

If you love Me, you will keep My commandments. John 14:15 NASB

How is your speech? Is it encouraging and uplifting or more often negative and critical?

Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear. Ephesians 4:29 NASB

The key to victory in developing pearls of purity in your character such as your thoughts, actions, and speech is first your willingness to allow God to help you and second your discipline to make necessary changes.

God wants you to develop purity in your character and allows the friction so that you will rely on Him and not  on yourself and your own strength.

I know friction doesn’t feel good but if we would embrace the friction and rely upon God, he will develop, refine, and purify us in our character and areas in our lives to glorify Him.

He already knows how precious and valuable we are…like that precious and valuable pearl…and He already knows the end result…that we are His masterpiece.

We aren’t perfect and definitely a work in progress for sure…but with His help and strength we can develop these pearls of purity in our lives.

For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago. Ephesians 2:10 NLT

As I reflect back, I am not quite sure that my mother knew exactly what a “cultured” pearl meant…but in this case it really doesn’t matter, does it?  The beauty of this necklace still reflects the friction that developed these valuable pearls and even beyond that the treasure it is to me that it belonged to my beautiful mother.

Reflection Points:

1)      Are you experiencing any friction in your life right now? Who or what is involved in this friction?

2)      Is there a command that God wants you to obey that is rubbing you the wrong way or making you uncomfortable?

3)      Can you see how God will allow and use this friction to develop purity in your character and areas of your life?

4)      Are your thoughts, actions, and speech pure? Do they glorify and honor God?

5)      How can you develop pearls of purity in the impure areas of your life?

Action Points:

1)      It is important to embrace the friction in your life and realize that God will use it to develop, refine, and purify your character.

2)      Part of embracing the friction is your willingness to rely upon God to help you. He wants you to depend upon Him and His strength…not your own!

3)      Discipline yourself so that you can make the necessary changes in your thoughts, actions, and speech.

4)      Making these changes is possible when you surround yourself by other Christians and are open to accountability in your life.

5)      Read God’s Word to grasp scriptures that speak to your specific areas of struggle.

6)      Be encouraged that God has a plan and a purpose…even specifically in your “friction”…and that He will build your character and strengthen you greater than you could on your own.

We live in a world where it seems everyone is seeking happiness. Because really? Why wouldn’t anyone want to be happy?

Society is infiltrated with phrases like “Don’t worry, be happy” or “Find your happy place” or “I just want to be happy” …and we live our lives…looking for that person, that family, that job…reaching toward that goal, that accomplishment, that lifestyle…working hard towards buying that house, that car, that thing…whatever that may be…that will ultimately satisfy us and consequently make us happy. And if we can all be honest…we have all been there. I know I have!

But have you ever found that person to marry, reached that goal, purchased that thing, etc. and still have found yourself looking for happiness or something to satisfy and fulfill you?

Not that it is wrong to want to be happy, but unfortunately, many people who are just seeking happiness will find themselves disappointed and dissatisfied.

Because even when you have achieved or received…accomplished or obtained… the very thing in life that you are hoping will make you happy, you realize your happiness is short lived and you find yourself once again saying, “I just want to be happy.”

It’s so important that we realize that happiness tends to be dependent….dependent upon happenings…dependent upon our circumstances…dependent upon other people…dependent upon our moods…dependent upon our emotions…dependent upon our station in life…dependent upon the temporal and external (what is happening outside of us).

Happiness is fleeting, short-lived, and not constant. Still just want to be happy?

At the end of this past July, well-known pastor Rick Warren of Saddleback Church in CA preached for the first time since his son’s death, 4 months prior. His son Matthew suffered from mental illness and unfortunately committed suicide. So tragic and disheartening!

When Rick returned to the pulpit, he had his wife Kay also share some words regarding their family tragedy. And one thing she said that really stood out to me was that as they walked up to their son’s house,  knowing what had just taken place, she pulled out her necklace and showed it to her husband Rick. It said “Choose Joy”.

I mean can you even imagine! Choosing joy when you have just learned of your son’s death! That’s the last thing I would be thinking about or choosing for that matter! How about you?

Not to be facetious by any means, I would venture to say that they were not feeling happy…but because Rick and Kay have “chosen joy” through their pain, they are still giving much hope to the hopeless today.

As Christians, we can be hopeful that God will use “all things”…the good and the bad, the blessings and the pain…in our lives to work things out for good.

And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose. Romans 8:28 NASB

Happiness is sometimes interchanged with joy, however, as I mentioned earlier….Happiness is dependent…Joy is a choice.

According to the dictionary…

Happiness is defined as “a state of well-being, a pleasurable or satisfying experience.”

Joy which comes from the word “rejoice,” is defined as “to feel great delight, to welcome or to be glad.”

In the Bible, depending on the translation, the words “happy” and “happiness” appear about 30 times, while “joy” and “rejoice” appear over 300 times. Hmmm, this should make you wonder where God’s emphasis is…

So what is the difference between happiness and joy? Why should we choose joy and what does the Bible say about it?

We can certainly gain a greater understanding of why happiness is different from joy by examining the following Bible scriptures and passages.

In Genesis 30:1-13 is the story of two sisters, Rachel and Leah, and their rivalry over their husband, Jacob. Each woman tries to have more male children in order to please Jacob, even using their handmaidens to conceive more offspring. When Leah’s handmaiden, Zilpah, bore Jacob a second son…

Then Leah said, “How happy I am! The women will call me happy.” So she named him Asher. Genesis 30:13 NIV

Thus the word “happy” comes from the Hebrew root word ashar and means “to set right or be blessed.”

We can see from this example that Leah’s happiness was dependent upon external factors…giving her husband Jacob another son.

In the book of Philippians, we can see another example…and example of an individual named Paul who, while imprisoned in Rome, teaches us the difference between happiness and joy and how to have true contentment in Jesus Christ, despite our circumstances.

Paul uses the words “joy,” “rejoice,” and “joyful” 16 times in Philippians and talks about his faith and trust in Jesus Christ and how it changed his whole perspective on suffering.

The important thing is that in every way, whether from false motives or true, Christ is preached. And because of this I rejoice. Yes, and I will continue to rejoice. Philippians 1:18 NIV

Always be full of joy in the Lord. I say it again–rejoice! Philippians 4:4 NLT

The word “joy” comes from the Hebrew root word chevdah and means “rejoicing, gladness” and also comes from the Greek root word chara and means “to be exceedingly glad, cheerfulness.”

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds… James 1:2 NIV

How could we ever consider going through difficulties and trials a reason to feel joy? How could Pastor Rick and Kay Warren “choose joy” in the midst of their tragedy and pain?

because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. James 1:3-4 NIV

Joy comes as we persevere through trials, with God’s help, and it is through this perseverance that our faith matures and is strengthened.

So how is this joy possible?

When we accept Jesus Christ not only as our Savior but also our Lord (our master), we can expect this joy to permeate our life whether things are good or whether things are bad…because the Holy Spirit dwells in us and gives us joy.

Joy comes from Jesus who lives in us, not from what’s happening outside of us. Joy is true contentment that comes from internal factors like our faith in the Lord.

Joy is internal and constant while happiness is external and dependent upon outward circumstances. And most importantly this joy is everlasting and not fleeting or short-lived!

Again…joy is a choice…it is an attitude towards life. We can choose joy or not. God is our source of joy so we can have the strength to choose joy in the midst of our life circumstances.

The joy of the Lord is your strength. Nehemiah 8:10 NIV

It is possible to have true, everlasting, inner joy in our hearts whatever we face in life whether it is good or bad….because ultimately God will “work all things out for good” and as Paul said, “Christ is preached. And because of this I rejoice. Yes, and I will continue to rejoice.”

True joy is eternal because it is based on our relationship with Jesus Christ, which is itself an everlasting source of joy.

So it is my prayer for you and me today…Choose Joy!

Reflection Points:

1)      Are you looking for happiness today? What do you think will bring you happiness…a marriage, an accomplishment, a material object?

2)      Have you ever found that person to marry, reached that goal, purchased that thing, etc. and still have found yourself looking for happiness or something to satisfy and fulfill you?

3)      Do you want to have happiness or joy in your life? And Why?

4)      Do you know the difference between happiness and joy?

5)      Knowing the difference, would you choose joy?

In our world of modern advances, technology and creativity, we have developed an attitude of “Why wait?” Because really…who likes to wait? I certainly don’t!

Where ever we look, we can see how society…people like you and me… have created a culture and environment of convenience to prevent us from having to wait…for just about anything!

Why wait to watch your TV show with commercials…when you can push your DVR?

Why wait in the long register line at the grocery store… when you can check out quicker on your own?

Why wait at a restaurant to eat…when you can make a reservation ahead of time?

Why wait to cook your family dinner (especially when your kids are screaming at the top of their lungs that they are hungry!)…when you can swing by the drive thru on your way home?

And don’t get me started with our “why wait” style of communication with our I-phones,  I-pads, I- this and I-that!

But there is one area that comes to mind that modern technology and advances continue to try and help us in with our “why wait” attitude…and that is with our desire to get into better physical shape…whether that is losing weight or developing stronger muscles or just being healthier. Even though there have been weight-loss pills and other products created to help meet our physical goals, it still comes down to our diets, exercise, and flat out discipline that truly bring about the results that we desire.

I still can’t figure out why God created us in such a way  that we can exercise for months…  control our food intake…exert a lot of energy, sweat, and tears just to get into the physical shape we desire…and then? We stop our training for just a few weeks and we fall right back out of shape! Certainly a question I will be asking God in heaven one day!

However, this is a perfect example for us to experience the concept of having to wait in order to see the end result of whatever we are waiting for.

Waiting to reach our physical goals especially when we have been disciplined…sweating for weeks and working hard with our diet and exercise…sometimes months…can be challenging.

And so it can be challenging as well when God is asking us to wait…for whatever that may be.

Is God asking you to wait today?

What about when God is asking you to wait…and you aren’t even sure when your wait will end?

Why would our all-powerful God have us wait when He is so sovereign and almighty and can make things happen in an instant?

Why wait?

Because when God is asking you to wait…it isn’t just about what you are hoping for at the end of the wait, but about what you will become…in the wait. 

Whatever you are waiting for today…it is in the wait that you will develop your spiritual muscles of faith…it is in the wait that you will be rescued from yourself and will give God control… is in the wait that you will be molded, shaped, and transformed into the likeness of Jesus Christ… it is in the wait that you will grow stronger in your faith.

Waiting develops your spiritual muscles….waiting develops your faith.

Just as your physical muscles must be exercised, stretched, and fed in order to grow…so too your spiritual muscles must be exercised, stretched, and fed in order to grow in your faith….and this happens while you are in the wait.

Exercising Your Spiritual Muscles

Exercising your physical muscles will strengthen and grow your muscles just as exercising your spiritual muscles will strengthen and grow your faith.

Spending time reading God’s word, praying, and even fasting are just a few ways we can exercise our spiritual muscles.

My son, pay attention to what I say; turn your ear to my words. Do not let them out of your sight, keep them within your heart; for they are life to those who find them and health to one’s whole body. Proverbs 4:20-22 NIV

Your word is a lamp to guide my feet and a light for my path. Psalm 119:105 NLT

Stretching Your Spiritual Muscles

Just as stretching plays a critical role in building your physical muscles by allowing them to expand the connective tissue that surrounds your muscles, stretching your spiritual muscles helps you grow in your faith and go beyond what you would try to do in your own power and strength.

Our faith will be tested and we will experience this stretching when we demonstrate, for example, patience, when we really want to take control…forgiveness, when we really don’t want to forgive…and self-control, when we really want to say something we shouldn’t.

Stretching our spiritual muscles will develop our character, develop perseverance, and strengthen our faith.

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. James 1:2-3 NIV

Feeding Your Spiritual Muscles

Just as your physical muscles need to be nourished with food in order to grow so too your spiritual muscles need to be nourished with “spiritual food”…God’s word.

We need to feed ourselves “spiritual food”…God’s word… in order for our faith to grow. The more we feed on God’s word…the more we will understand our God and believe His promises for us…the more we will depend on and trust in Him…thus causing our faith to grow.

A great place in the bible that will surely grow your faith is feeding on Hebrews 11 which has been coined “The Hall of Faith”. I love this chapter because when we read about the faith of others in the bible and what God has done for them, we will be encouraged and our faith will consequently grow!

When your words came, I ate them, they were my joy and my heart’s delight… Jeremiah 15:16 NIV

So then faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the word of God. Romans 10:17 AKJV

These are the tools God uses to shape our spiritual muscles of faith. God is not just interested in the end result of what you are waiting for but what you will become…in the wait.

Waiting is by no means easy…but God isn’t about easy. He is about building our faith. Our faith can grow or weaken…in the wait. Which one are you going to choose?

Reflection Points:

1)      Is God asking you to wait today?

2)      What are you doing …in the wait?

3)      Is you faith growing stronger or getting weaker…in the wait?d

4)      What can you do to build your faith…in the wait?

Action Points:

Exercise, Stretch, and Feed your spiritual muscles…in the wait!  Review the points above on how to do this practically so that your faith will grow and be strengthened…in the wait.

I have come to accept …as you probably have as well…that people are not perfect…and they will disappoint us. Certainly not shocking news…and usually those who may disappoint us are people we are very close to ….and for me that very well may be my wonderful husband Billy.

There are times that my husband will say things that may disappoint me…and yes even hurt my feelings. Ok, not so wonderful but here comes the wonderful part!

My husband can be very black and white and we often joke that he needs to sometimes find shades of gray! I think it’s the “coach” in him…But the one thing that I have always admired about him is that he is quick to ask for forgiveness…almost too quick!

Let me explain… When he hurts my feelings, he apologizes and asks for forgiveness immediately…and my thoughts? Well my feelings are hurt! I am still upset! I am not ready to accept his apology just yet and forgive him. I mean give me a moment here!

However, regardless, I am supposed to forgive him…even through my hurt feelings. Whether Billy is right in what he said and I was just emotional about it or whether he was wrong in what he said and I was still emotional about it…I must still forgive him.

And truthfully…I really need to forgive him even if he didn’t apologize or ask me to forgive him. It is one thing to forgive someone when they apologize for a wrong but what about when they don’t apologize?  Ouch! That one is a tough one I know!

Do you know the difference between giving an apology and asking for forgiveness? This is pretty interesting…

Apology is defined as … “a written or spoken expression of one’s regret, remorse, or sorrow for having insulted, failed, injured, or wronged another; a statement saying that you are sorry about something.”

Forgiveness is defined as… “granting pardon for or remission of an offense, debt, etc.; absolve; granting pardon to a person; ceasing to feel resentment against; stop feeling anger toward someone who has done something wrong.”

So giving an apology is basically telling someone you are sorry for a wrong while asking for forgiveness is asking someone to pardon a wrong and to no longer feel resentment or anger towards the one who wronged them.

Have you ever said that you have forgiven someone but you still harbored feelings of bitterness, resentment, or anger in your heart?

An apology is something written or spoken…forgiveness is something that takes place in your heart.

I am trying to teach my children the difference as well. When one wrongs another, instead of just apologizing and saying they are sorry, I want them to learn to ask for forgiveness. They may not fully understand this concept just yet but my hope is that forgiveness is slowly sown into their hearts as they continue to grow older and mature.

The Bible is very clear about forgiveness and Jesus isn’t messing around…

For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your father will not forgive your sins. Matthew 6:14-15 NIV

I believe there are 3 important aspects about forgiveness…

1)      Accepting God’s Forgiveness

2)      Forgiving Others

3)      Asking for Forgiveness

1) Accepting God’s Forgiveness

When we truly understand and accept God’s forgiveness towards us, then we will better understand the other 2 aspects of forgiveness.

Have you ever felt guilty for something you have done and wondered how God could ever forgive you? Do you know that no sin is too big or too great for God to forgive?

Who gave Himself for us to redeem us from EVERY lawless deed, and to purify for Himself a people for His own possession, zealous for good deeds. Titus 2:14NASB

It is easy for us to have feelings of guilt and shame but God does not want us to feel that way…feelings of guilt are not from God!

Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. Romans 8:1NASB

We can have a clean slate with God! He is a loving, compassionate, and gracious God! He says that He will trample our sins under his feet and cast them into the ocean depths (Micah 7:19)…and that He removes our sin as far as the east is from the west and remembers them no more! (Psalm 103:10-13)

God wants us to come to Him, confess our wrong, and ask for forgiveness. He is a forgiving God! He sent His son Jesus to die on the cross for us…for you and for me…so we may be forgiven for our sins.

But one of the biggest challenges that I believe we face is …we don’t forgive ourselves. Why? If God… our almighty, powerful and sovereign God…can forgive us, than why can’t we forgive ourselves?

Check out this perspective…

When we can’t forgive ourselves then what we are really saying is that what Jesus did on the cross wasn’t good enough! The beatings, the torture, the blood that was shed…the death, burial, and resurrection…wasn’t good enough!

It wasn’t good enough? Really?

Of course it was! …Ladies we can be free of all guilt and shame… and the Lord will even heal our hurts/pains when we confess our sins and ask for the Lord’s forgiveness!!!

2) Forgiving Others

Forgiving others for the wrong they have done to you can be very difficult.  Wouldn’t you agree? …Many times this can involve those closest to you… a father or mother, family member, ex-husband, a child, coworker, etc.

Why?  Because especially as women we get our feelings hurt. We get emotional… And let’s not forget our pride…

We may say that we have forgiven someone but still hold against them what they did to us. We may say that we have forgiven someone but continue to remember and even remind them of the wrong they did.

It is one thing to forgive when someone apologizes for the wrong but what about when they don’t apologize?

No matter how many times someone has wronged us…whether they apologize or not…we are called as Christians to forgive them. Note: Forgiving that person doesn’t mean you are saying what they did was right.

Peter asks “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister when he sins against me?  I tell you not, seven times, but seventy-seven times.” Matthew 18:21 NIV

God understands our pains and hurts! Our feelings of hurt are very valid. I am not saying that you shouldn’t be hurt when someone wrongs you, but what I am saying is that we have a choice…a choice to forgive…and through this forgiveness God will heal us too!

Forgiving others is…

not about the other person…

not about accepting or justifying what they did to you…

not saying what they did to you was ok…

not dependent upon their apology or lack thereof.

Forgiving others is…about you.

When we forgive others regardless of what they have done to us or how they have hurt us, it gives us freedom and releases us of carrying a burden we don’t need to carry.

Do not let what happened in the past keep you there and cause you to be hurt as you play it over and over in your mind. Because that person has probably moved on and it’s time for you to also! Let it go and release it to God. He is a just God!

3) Asking for Forgiveness

Asking for forgiveness is certainly not easy especially if our feelings have been hurt. The reality though is that some of us may be prideful or just flat out stubborn. (Oh I know that’s me!)We want to wait for the other person to approach us first.

Asking for forgiveness can be difficult because we don’t know how the other person will respond or if they will accept your apology or forgive you. It doesn’t matter! You are in doing what God is asking you to do!

Forgiveness begins with humbleness…Whether it’s humbling ourselves before another person or humbling ourselves before God. (2 Chronicles 7:14) We need to take responsibility and do our part.

We can ask others to forgive us when we have wronged them because that is what God wants us to do.

We can come to God with confidence because he is a gracious God!

Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need. Hebrews 4:16 NIV

Have you forgiven yourself for a wrong you have done? Is there someone you need to forgive today? Who do you need to ask forgiveness from today? Trust me I know it isn’t easy but healing begins when we can accept and ask for forgiveness.

What are you waiting for?

Reflection Points:

1)      Have you ever felt guilty for something you have done and wondered how God could ever forgive you? Do have a hard time accepting God’s forgiveness? Why?

2)      Do you have a hard time forgiving others who have wronged and hurt you deeply?

3)      Is there someone you need to forgive right now? What is holding you back?

4)      Do you have a hard time asking for forgiveness when you have wronged or hurt someone? Do your feelings or pride get in the way of asking for forgiveness?

Action Points:

1)      If you have a hard time accepting God’s forgiveness or face feelings of guilt and shame, it is important to understand that we serve a forgiving and gracious God who doesn’t want us to feel guilty or shameful. Confess your sins to God and pray for the Lord to help you and remove these feelings. Remind yourself of these scriptures.

2)      If you experience bitterness, resentment, and anger in your heart…pray and ask the Lord to search your heart and show you if there is anyone that you still need to forgive and release to Him. Yes…feelings of hurt are valid when someone has hurt you but God is our ultimate healer and He will heal the brokenhearted! (Psalm 147:3)

3)      If you have a difficult time asking for forgiveness…pray that the Lord would show you why and remove those feelings that hinder you…whether it is fear, hurt, or pride.